BONUS - Partner Activity

This activity requires a lot of maturity as you will be hearing things about yourself that you don’t like and it will take great self-control not to go into defense mode and start fighting with your partner but rather to see it as an opportunity for growth. If you fight with your partner about what they are telling you out of honesty and vulnerability you will be breaking all the trust that was supposed to be built by opening up and being vulnerable with one another. If you don’t think this is possible rather skip this exercise.

These questions are not for submission, you simply ask them to one another or each one can write their answers down and then hand it over to the other if that is easier.

Activity with a partner

1. What is it about me that is attractive and why?
2. What is it about me that is not attractive and why?
3. What do you think about the way I dress and the image that I project?
4. Which of my personal habits annoy you and why?
5. How confident do you think I am and why?
6. How can I get on better with people?
7. If you had only 3 adjectives to describe me, what would they be and why?
8. What should I do to improve my social skills?

Top 10 things I need to feel loved

Make a list of the top 10 things you need to get from your partner in order to feel loved.

Here is an example. You can use some of them but try to think of and add your own.

1. Safety – Emotionally, Physically & Financially - I must feel like I am being looked after even though I can look after myself.
2. Trust – I must feel like I am trusted to make good decisions, to do what is right and am capable of looking after you.
3. Belief in me – I need you to be believe that I am capable of achieving my dreams and to do what it takes.
4. Understanding of me – I must feel like you make an effort to really understand everything about me. To understand why I think the way I do, act the way I do and make the decisions that I do. You must know what I need before I need it and help me in the right direction when I think I need something that I don’t.
5. Appreciation – for me, my body, and everything I am and do.
6. Commitment and dedication – To making it work and doing what it takes.
7. Doing activities together.
8. Having deep conversations.
9. Being on my side at all times.
10. Equality and togetherness.

 Activity for women

Feel the difference between grabbing someone by the shirt and demanding something from them and standing in front of them with your hands open, palms turned up. Can you feel how taking creates fear, disrespect, resentment and control where receiving generates love, respect, sharing and deep connection. This is what control feels like – like taking. Nothing feels enough and the insecurity it brings is inevitable.

Stop telling your man what to do and allow him to get his power back. Allow him to prove himself to you. If you feel like you can discuss this with him then do so. Tell him that you have realized that you have been disempowering him by being controlling and bossy and let him know that you are going to be trying your best to stop doing that. Explain to him how your need him to be your lighthouse.

Activity for men

Next time your woman gets upset about something surprise her by being her lighthouse. Try to see through the anger and frustration and see her vulnerability. Focus on that only no matter what and just be there for her looking at her like you understand what she is going through. Tell her you are there for her and give her a big strong man hug. Even if she brushes you off, do it again next time and the next time. It may take a while for her to trust that this is for real and to realize the safety she now feels. In time you will notice her trust, respect and appreciation in you grow. You will be her lighthouse.

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